Several years ago I got assaulted. I didn’t provoke it, I didn’t get anyone angry at me, I wasn’t arguing politics nor religion with anyone, nor was I racist or abusive of anyone. They came from behind, sneaked up on me, and assaulted me, as cowards often do. When it happened I was walking to the soccer field to play football. I was an assuming simple fit white male in his late 30s. It happened during the day in the middle of a university campus. Before it I was quite fit, after it I developed some dysfunctional coping strategies that lead towards tremendous weight gain.
One of these coping strategies that I developed to cope with my pain and trauma of enduring violence was to go shopping every single day. Another strategy was to buy a lot of junk food. Another strategy was to buy coffee too often. Needless to say I was gaining weight and losing money. Within a year I gained 60lbs and was in debt a few thousand dollars. But I was happier than not doing these things. This coping strategy allowed me to forget what took place, to forget how “weak”, “pathetic” and a “loser” that I was. These thoughts were what I ascribed to myself after the ordeal. They won that fight, didn’t they? I kissed the ground while they laughed. Clearly I was the one who didn’t prepare for this fight my whole life.
Generally I spent my days back then playing football for 3-4 hours a day, then changing in the washrooms, eating from the food truck on the corner, and sitting comfortably at the libraries composing music on my laptop and studying from various books that were on the nearby shelves. I was a student of life and of many subjects as well as pursuing my hobbies. I wasn’t preparing for a fight, I wasn’t training in combat skills, I wasn’t using weapons. If anyone knew the fight was going to happen and saw how the two sides were living their lives, they’d say I was wasting my time. The bullies were training in martial arts, fighting amongst themselves and with thousands of others well before encountering me. The fight was won before it even began and I was always going to be on the losing end.
Back then, before the attacks on me, I didn’t shop often, hardly ever, except for food. I made lunch the night before and brought it to university in plastic containers, warming it up in the campus microwave at a building near the soccer field. The only reason I bought food at the food truck is because I loved the idea of socializing with others in front of the food truck, and the people selling the food were quite nice to chat with. Once or twice they even gave me a free lunch for how much they loved my company. I got to know about their children, families, all sorts of life details that make people glad to see each other. But after the assault on me I couldn’t face anyone and I withdrew. This is when I began shopping.
Some days I’d go three times to a coffee shop and twice to a fast food place. I was charging everything on my credit card and racked up quite the debt. My minimum monthly payments were over $250 and that’s just the interest, without lowering the balance. I had to make a change. Plus I couldn’t fit into most of my clothes anymore, let alone my favourite sports stuff. I went from size 34 shorts to size 42. Back then I weighted 180lbs but after the assault my weight skyrocketed to 260lbs. Something had to change because I didn’t like where this was heading. I was coping my way but it wasn’t the way I wanted to live. This new victim life style wasn’t ideal. I loved sports, I loved being physically active, but now I sat at home eating and watching Netflix all day and chatting online. This was a new me, one I didn’t approve of.
So I came up with a plan a while ago and have seen tremendous results. It started off as a joke. I called it Fat Wednesday diet. Every Wednesday, Burger King has a discount on Whoppers, which I love buying. And the big change was that I decided instead of buying fast food whenever I felt like it, to only buy it on Wednesdays. Either a Whopper or something else, doesn’t matter. But Wednesday was my fattening day. On all other days I would make food at home. Over time this diet evolved into an entire life style.
Next I tackled the coffee issue. I decided instead of buying coffee multiple times a day I would limit it at first to just one cafe visit a day. Then I lowered it even more to just Tuesdays and Saturdays. I also lowered how much caffeine I am consuming when I make coffee at home on other days by making it half half or going fully decaf. As well I added tea to my assortment of drinks. One of my other dysfunctional habits was that I was buying a 2L bottle of coke very often. I added this to my Fat Wednesday and decided to only have coke on Wednesdays with my Whopper or other fast food.
On my calendar I noticed that Tuesdays I buy coffee, Wednesdays I buy a meal, and Saturdays I buy a coffee. This gave me an idea. What if I bought something every single day of the week, this would give me that therapeutic shopping experience and a reason to go for walks every day. I would walk for an hour and then buy something. So I made Monday my grocery day. On Fridays I buy fresh salad ingredients from the market and Sundays I buy something sweet like a cookie. So what once was shopping whenever the mood struck me, became a budgeted and planned exercise in healing.
Shopping allows me to control my interactions with others, makes me feel safe in that I am not randomly going places, and it ensures I have money left in the bank. The Fat Wednesday diet is therefore me cooking at home and eating out only once per week. This is quite sensible and is what many experts recommend anyway so I’m good there. Most days for breakfast I make healthy oatmeal with fruit. For lunch I have a soup and a small sandwich, and dinner I have with my family. I don’t put sugar into my drinks, and only have artificial sweetener on Tuesdays and Saturdays in my coffees. I don’t use too much salt, I don’t buy chips, candies, or anything with sugar in it, not even bottled sparkling water. I also don’t feel like I am giving anything up – this is how I was raised. If anything I am returning to my childhood roots with this diet. I eat fruit almost every day so I have no need for sweets. Fresh oranges and apples and strawberries keep me perfectly happy.
So far on this diet I have lost 15lbs, and have paid off one credit and canceled it and am working on paying off my other debt. I am less afraid, less need to cope, less suffering from trauma and more enjoying life and doing things almost as much as before the events. I am back to composing music, and I am exercising at home almost daily. I do thirty minutes of Tai Chi almost every day, sometimes I do Qi Gong, sometimes I practice with a Kettlebell and dumbbells, too. Life is getting better the more I stick to the Fat Wednesday diet. Buying something different every day is also fun even if it isn’t anything expensive. People like me don’t need a lot to make us happy. For instance, when I do buy coffee it’s never at Starbucks. It’s never a $10 cup or a $5 cup. My coffee costs $2.50 and is freshly brewed. Otherwise I make it at home for pennies. My ultimate goal is to again wear size 34 or 36 shorts, to slim below 200lbs, and to again play soccer while listening to music. I am slowly achieving my dreams again.
Thousandth Cloud 